Mostly everybody knew my the game plan- date 2 ( that is all we are on and yes , yes I know that the dramas we've endured ALREADY would make u think it was more right? haha) Anyhoo the date at 'the local' was goin to provide tangible proof of the fact that we dont really work.
Which to be honest is still true!! I think.. I dont know what I think anymore... to be honest I still feel drunk from last night...( which is no shocker considering, I arrived a little inebriated right Darling
haha and then from what I remember, had 3 glasses of wine on top of that! So when I went to bed at, I think it was 3ish? and then woke up again @ 7.30- I could hardly remember my name, let alone where I stood on mine & Matt's 'moment'(?) I dont even know what to call it....) Anyhoooooooo - the date... well it didnt go according to plan.
In fact I deviated so much from the original plan, that a new plan, that resembles what actually happened last night , needs to be drawn up...
SO folks .... it will come as no shock to u my darlings, (since ya know me quite well in fact and have met me once or twice ;-) and have probably been with me when Im lets say...um, Not sober? haha) when I tell u what happened last night. So to put it in a sentence (that will make a mockery of the anticipation I just built up in that wonderful sham of an introduction)
At the local ... your girl LL killed it ;-) hahaha
I mean the crowd loved me what can I say? hahaha
Seriously folks at ' the well ' became my new friends and I mean they were lovely - just such lovely, lovely, real folks.
I loved it. Well I didn't love it - I loved the night - I loved the people- I loved that Matt said I made him so proud, (pls bypass that particular and kp readin, cos it gets better than that... haha) and that now he wants me to meet his best mate, and that everyone loved me, everyone told him, that ' Im so nice and he seems so happy with me- yes all those things I loved.
Didn't love the fact that someone called me Matt Missus' (Oh yes that is right - someone shouted from over the other side of the bar- '' dont say that John that Matt's Missus ''
I mean whilst u take a moment to take that in - and I take a second to ' take a deep breath , count ten and move on, even though it seems like the end of the world has come....' you should know that in 'the Well' - that is standard fare and its just a turn o' phrase. Right?
Right?!!! RIGHT. So no need for concern.
No need at all.
Im sorry - I think I NEED SOME AIR AND PREFERABLY A VERY STRONG DRINK... But that particular heckler from the crowd, really was indicative of the rest of the audience ( 'Life is a stage' darling didn't u know?haha) what I didn't realise until the end of the night, was being there last night was a test .
It was like , if you could u make it there - u could make it anywhere .
Because to pass in there with the folks who ADORE him, then you've made it.
If that is your goal of course - to make it with Mstt - which to be honest I dont know what my goal actually is - but in any case it seems I passed with flying colours.
They were some of the friendliest people I've had the pleasure of meeting- truly.
However I realise now, that behind those innocent questions like; so is this your first time in Heywood ?'In here its like ' Cheers' where evrybody knows your name - what do u think of us lot then? ' Matt is the loveliest bloke you could ever meet - he's like my son' ' so why were u 40minutes late ? ' was a board vetting me like a PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE. I was bein graded from the moment I stepped in there and Im relieved (?) to say I gave the correct answers and there were no complaints! hahaha!
Because, well, look u all know me and how I do!!! I was chatting on - to EVERYONE. (freakin shocker....)
Alan ( his mate who runs the pub- and whose like his dad was so sweet to me, there were two Steve's , there was Julie & Phil , erm there was Emma she was Tall Steve's 'missus' (Im getting quite used to that word actually...) my fave was Roy - who just killed it - I was in complete stitches with these people.. Then I was chatting to another Alan - this one is the village's resident alcoholic, but everyone loves him, u know the type. We had a very interesting conversation about the economy being in direstraits, interspersed with me asking if that was actually 6 litres of cider in the carrier bag he had with him... Then I was getting Matt to give me money so I can put songs on in the jukebox- Human Nature ( if I can bring some Michael to a party: I WILL. And that's why we love Thriller because its a staple album that even a dump in Heywood will have on the jukebox. Someone, much to my delight, brought 'Hero' to the table , altho I've never heard Mariah played after 'Wonderwall' before - and Im not sure I ever will again... about 4 people had to show me how to use the damn thing because Mr. White had left me to it at this point ( I mean to be honest, I prefer to work a room unaided anyway... )
At one point I was hungry and Roy had told me that I would love the Chinese restaurant Hoyas - then it turned out to be closed and my dreams of special fried rice were almost shattered- ( to be fair on Roy he apologised profusely ) until someone suggested the take out down the street. Alan said he'd turn a blind eye to me scranning in the pub so off we went. I mean u know its a sign of a good night when the £1.50 u went out with comes home with you, accompanied by Chinese fried rice and two copy DVD's that little Steve said were ' really high quality, they just dont have cases ... '' and you can keep the change of the £30 he just gave you to get homw in the taxi ;-)
So after we were literally the very last people to leave the pub - we went with Alan to some other place that was havin an illegal lock in - which initially turned us away,
( yes that's right - a complete dive in Heywood were saying - ' No mate, we've stopped letting ppl in now...' FYI: there were actually 3 people- incl. me- inside. Anyhoo... )
but then because Emma ( who later treated us all to a powerful rendition of 'Valerie' by Amy W. ) thinks Matt is gooooooooorgeous and she knows the bouncers, had a word and they let us in. How nice.
NB. Its allllllllllllll about who u know in Heywood - dont get it twisted. ;-) ha!
Dont even know what time we left and Im just grateful the boy got me home when he did otherwise Id be still stuck listening to Emma belting out her favourite Karaoke moments...
So to bring the essay to a close... It was a completely farcical moment - I was very drunk and when I woke up STILL drunk all I could really do was laugh! I had a great night ( oh and for anyone that is thinking, I've omitted the details of the physical components of the date -IVE NOT! Ha! Just dont wana gross everyone out with unnecessary details though, the story of the date, line-by-line is punishment enough... but just know there was plenty of it and it was all very lovely. )
And whilst the wishing well is a pub I wouldnt go back to in a hurry- it was nowhere near as bad as expected. And also now everyone wants me to go back... Im sure I'll c it again.
At one point whilst appropriately singing ' Happy Birthday ' to some guy whose birthday is SEPT 27th NEXT YEAR , and being told I should come back to their weekly ' jam session ' on Thurs, because Tall Steve can play Guitar quite well - and that I should go on ' x factor ' cos Id win,
I thought :
U know, its not that bad.
Is it?????????
Love ya all for readin this mess - what would I be without ya??? ( That questions rhetorical btw )
L xx-xxx-xx
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